"I will never admit fault on that whole Iraq thing, which I don't even really think about anymore. Stuff happened, we destabilized Iraq and the whole Middle East, and the American people caught on before my administration could go to war with Iran," stated Bush, who asserted former Vice President Dick Cheney was "very sad" about not invading Iran.
A country most Americans are unable to find on a map. (Above)
Bush added, "I've been told I lack exactly the type of intelligence to know how bad I was as president, and how big a mistake Iraq was. So I guess you could say I have a genetic predisposition not to apologize, or have any sympathy, or take responsibility for things, or be self-aware in any meaningful way."
"So Americans, and most of them know this already, should expect me never to apologize for the Iraq thing. Mistakes may have been made, but I can't identify any and I bet history will agree with me. So there you go," explained Bush, who told reporters he had "to get back to painting something."
Former Vice President Dick Cheney announced he wanted "to apologize to Halliburton" for not delivering on the no-bid contracts he promised to give it after invading Iran, which he was never allowed to do.
"Just imagine what the Middle East would look like today if we had invaded Iran like I wanted to," urged Cheney.