10.01.2015

America Slowly Backs Away from Syria as Russia Launches Air Strikes

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the White House refused to confirm reports the United States military had started to slowly back away from Syria immediately after Russia started airstrikes in the war-torn country. President Obama declared he "really hoped" brutal Syrian President Bashar al-Assad would not be saved by his Russian ally President Putin, but also confessed, "it would not be the worst thing in the world if Russia was left holding the bag in Syria."


"The United States condemns the horrible brutality of the Islamic State, and the regime of President Assad. America, like the rest of the world, wants to see Syria stabilized and become an orderly partner in the global neighborhood of nations," stated President Obama, who did not protest when an unidentified member of the press asked if it would be "okay" if Assad won the civil war.

Syria, in green. (Above) (PHOTO SOURCE)

Obama added, "While the United States stands behind the Syrian people 100%, it is time for America to transition to its brand new strategy in Syria to better serve Syrians in their conflict against brutal oppression. So while it may suspiciously look like the the United States is slowly backing away from Syria, I assure Syrians and the world it is all just a part of our plan to win."


President Obama refused to define what a "win" looked like, or state who was going to "win." Instead, Obama stated, "I promise my good friend President Putin that the United States will not stick Russia with the Syrian quagmire, and I want him and all Russians to know I am always here for advice or just to listen."

The president also announced he was looking for a way to defeat the Islamic State in Iraq, but was currently only in the very earlier planning stages of how to win there.


"I can promise Russia, or maybe even Iran, my plan to win in Iraq will absolutely not be to lure one or both of them into a long and bloody war in Iraq so Americans can leave," said Obama. "Because we just love it there, too."

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