9.07.2015

Walker 2016 Labor Day Sale Offers 30% Off Lead-Based Chinese Items

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker announced his campaign would be running a Labor Day sale on all its lead-based Chinese merchandise assembled by child laborers. Walker supporters who acted today will get 30% off all patriotic-themed Walker 2016 items, receive free shipping, and be gifted a video of Scott Walker burning prominent late 19th century and early 20th century labor organizer Mary Harris "Mother" Jones in effigy.


"We have a great sale going on for all Walker 2016 merchandise. It is high-quality stuff covered in lead-based paint and made in China by kids, who are keeping America's kids from finding desirable factory jobs here at home. Well, I pledge to change that," stated Walker, who ignored questions about his faltering campaign after making unintelligible statements even the Republican base could not understand.

Koch brothers' shill Scott Walker speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland on 2.26.2015
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Walker added, "When I am president, American children will be able to work 18-hour shifts like they want. I also pledge they will have absolutely no access to labor unions that will just demand they pay dues. Child laborers should get to keep all of the 50-cents-per-hour wage they earn, assuming their performance merits that high of a wage."


"So buy Walker 2016 items today and support my vision for America. You even get a complimentary video of me burning labor activist Mother Jones in effigy outside my home. She organized mine workers and tried to keep children from working in factories. Not in my America," explained Walker.

A senior campaign official spoke to TNA on condition of anonymity and denied the Labor Day sale had anything to do with "unloading merchandise" in the wake of Scott Walker's plummeting support among likely Republican primary voters.

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