9.29.2015

Republicans Try to Link Abortions, Vaginas, Dead Storks During Hearing

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz (R-UT-03) denounced Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards' "uncooperative attitude" during the Planned Parenthood hearing earlier today. Chaffetz and his male Republican peers were very critical of Richards for denying that abortion led to an "angry, raging vagina" that killed the stork created by God to deliver the child to its parents.


"The evidence is as clear as day, and Richards' simply ignored it. Stork deaths have risen steadily with abortions performed in the United States. I have three kids, and I know where they all came from," stated Chaffetz. "Friendly vaginas and living storks."

Planned Parenthood 2013-2014 Annual Report. (Above) Abortion services are negligible while
other services like cancer prevention and screening, and other women's health services are provided.

Facts like these were entirely excluded from the hearing to speak about abortion, vaginas, and storks.

Chaffetz added, "Republicans have not yet discovered how a vagina is able to kill a stork, but we are working on it. Planned Parenthood had absolutely no answers to our questions on this topic, because it knows we have them."


"So not only does abortion end the life of a child, it ends the life of a stork protector and deliverer. This is worse than we thought," said Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH-04), who helped Chaffetz press Richards for answers.

The Planned Parenthood hearing largely involved Republican men interrupting and yelling at a respectful, professional woman for hours about abortions, vaginas, and storks.

Chaffetz asserted the hearing's environment was not evidence of "a Republican war on women," because he treated his wife "the same way."

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