9.24.2015

Conservative Propaganda Outlets Demand Vatican Regime Change

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, conservative propaganda outlets led by Fox News demanded Congress declare war on Vatican City and force President Obama to invade the sovereign state in order to remove its "dangerous leftist leader" Pope Francis. The conservative rallying cry for regime change followed the pontiff's address to a joint session of Congress and his criticism of the greed of unrestricted capitalism, the dangerous ignorance of climate change doubters, and the lack of compassion for, and government support of, society's most vulnerable groups - like the poor.


"Who does this pope think he is calling conservatives out for being the greedy, callous hypocrites we know ourselves to be?" asked Fox News talking head and expert bully of the poor Stuart Varney. "In our America, people have the liberty to become poor and be shamed rather than helped, because conservatives know how to motivate the poor to get a job and stop being government leeches."

Pope Francis in Vatican City in April 2014. (PHOTO: Jeffrey Bruno)

Varney continued, "Americans also have the freedom to lose everything they own or even die because they get sick and cannot afford healthcare and medicine, and they love that. Pope Francis doesn't seem to understand America at all, because he is a dangerous leftist whose regime in Vatican City must be overthrown by military force."


"America must invade and occupy Vatican City. Pope Francis' compassionate rhetoric threatens to destroy the false narrative created by people like me, who have tricked people like you into believing the United States can do no wrong and American conservatives are always correct," Glenn Beck told his audience earlier today.

By late this afternoon, virtually every conservative propaganda den in America had voiced its support for toppling Pope Francis. Breibart called regime change "more important than war with Iran," and the under-medicated writers at the loose cannon website WorldNetDaily declared Pope Francis was its 139th antichrist.


Congressional Republicans announced they were drafting legislation to invade Vatican City and remove Pope Francis from power while every Republican presidential candidate expressed support for regime change.

The Pentagon announced an invasion of Vatican City may require as many as 50 American soldiers, and an occupying force as large as 100 soldiers.

At press time, Italy was reportedly warning the United States it could not use any of its bases or its airspace to invade Vatican City.

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