9.23.2015

Millennials Painfully Aware of How Much Needs Fixing in Wake of "Most Selfish Generation"

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, American millennials reflected on how many things needed to be fixed in the wake of their parents, which they concluded were members of the "Most Selfish Generation" in American history. Millennials realized the Most Selfish Generation was giving them "a colossal mess to clean up" due to its refusal to pay for anything it uses, its conscious decision not to invest in any future projects other than military expenditures, and its embrace of social conflicts meant to distract Americans while the super-rich rob everyone else in broad daylight and exacerbate economic inequality.


"Millennials are inheriting an America with a crumbling infrastructure, sabotaged social safety net, and a society at war with itself. At first, we thought it was all a test our parents concocted to show millennials what being extremely irresponsible looked like so we could do the opposite and be responsible stewards of the republic. Now millennials know better," stated Alexander Hathaway, president of the nonprofit group Save America from the Most Selfish Generation.

The 2007 collapse of the I-35W Mississippi River Bridge in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Above)
An apt metaphor for the America the Most Selfish Generation is leaving its children.

Hathaway continued, "They just don't want to pay for anything, except perpetual foreign war. At some point you have to wonder what all those external wars are protecting. You know, other than a hollowed-out shell with massive war-related debts and a bunch of undertaxed super-rich oligarchs that watch the rest of America bicker over scraps from a shrinking economic pie."


"The task ahead of millennials is massive and daunting. We may only be able to fix some of what is broken in time for our children to inherit an America with a quasi-modern infrastructure, and renewed progressive policies that protect the poor, disabled, elderly, and other groups from trickle-down economics and a system rigged by wealthy," explained Hathaway.

Representatives of the Most Selfish Generation assured millennials they were not the only ones suffering the consequences of their selfishness by pointing to the financial suffering they have inflicted on their own parents.

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