9.02.2015

Kentucky Clerk "Just Wants to Choose What Laws to Follow, Is All"

ROWAN COUNTY, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis announced she only wanted to choose what laws to follow, because of "God or something." Davis explained her position as she continued to refuse gay couples a marriage license after the Supreme Court declined to exempt her from doing her job, because of her cited reason of "stuff."

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"You know, if gay people were arrested for being gay that is a law I could support. The problem is not me, it is all the horrible laws being passed," said Davis, as she pretended to be a humble servant of God while displaying naked religious arrogance and disrespect for the rule of law.

Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis explains she won't issue marriage licenses 
to gay couples, because she doesn't like that law.
(AP PHOTO/TIMOTHY D. EASLEY)

Davis added, "So, you know, I just want to choose what laws to follow, is all. I don't understand why this is such a big deal. If there was a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, I would totally support that law. Until then, I love America too much to follow all its laws."

The brave clerk and criminal refused to comment on whether God disapproved of her being divorced three times and married to her fourth husband, except to say, "I don't know much about that. I am just defending the sanctity of marriage from sinful sodomites."

Davis will go before a federal judge on Thursday for not following the law, and Americans who knew what the "rule of law" was were split on whether she should be jailed or heavily fined for contempt of court until she did her job or resigned.

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