9.12.2015

GOP Thanks Misinformed Voters Who Think They Know Stuff for Upcoming Shutdown

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans thanked the millions of misinformed voters who think they know stuff for giving them control of Congress and making the upcoming October government shutdown possible. Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets were also acknowledged for feeding Republican voters a steady, poisonous diet of misinformation that turned them into voters who were more dangerous than uninformed voters.


"The vast majority of people who vote for Republicans arrogantly try to show everyone else they know stuff when all they are doing is showcasing their ignorance for all to see. And those are the voters who gave us control of Congress and will allow us to shut down the government in less than a month," stated Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who shrugged when asked about his pledge there would be no more government shutdowns.

The place Republicans plan to use to shut down the government (above).
Capitol Building by Peter Griffin.

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) was very excited for the imminent government shutdown and asserted, "This is going to be the best government shutdown ever. Republicans are going to say that if Democrats don't agree to defund Planned Parenthood in the wake of those doctored tapes we will disrupt benefits to the poor, disabled, veterans, and so many others."


"None of this would be possible without misinformed Republican voters thinking Iran is going to nuke us, illegal immigrants want their jobs, freedom of religion gives Christians the right to impose their beliefs on everyone else, Planned Parenthood is an abortion mill, and Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi. God, I love pandering to these people," said Cruz.

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) held a jug of Carlo Rossi Chablis as he conceded the looming government shutdown would not appease the Republican voters who think they know things and made it possible.


"All the crazies that gave Republicans control of Congress will still not be happy after a government shutdown when the American economy doesn't collapse as a result. Me and Mitch are only willing to go so far for these people, and shutting down the government is one of the worst things you can do to the economy," stated Boehner.

Upon hearing of our story, Fox News asked TNA for comment prior to running its story about how much TNA "hates America and real Americans." TNA has learned Sarah Palin will be brought in as an expert on "TNA's anti-Americanism."

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