9.03.2015

Cheney Presidential Memoir Heavy On Criticizing George W. Bush

Dick Cheney
Cheney speaks at Camp Anaconda, Iraq in 2008. Credit: Magnus Manske

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, excerpts from former Vice President Dick Cheney's presidential memoir titled "Leading America From Underneath The White House" were released. The 33,000-page book absent of pictures and attempts to personify Cheney was heavy on its criticism of George W. Bush, which the text referred to as "King Meddler."


On the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks, Cheney's presidential memoir stated:
When the terrorists attacked America on 9/11 it was fortunate for America that King Meddler was reading the book 'My Pet Goat' so there would be no interference with the official response from our government - determined by me. I was the one who ordered commercial planes shot down, if necessary, while I made sure King Meddler flew on Air Force One from one God-forsaken place to another. That day marked the first day of my leadership of America from underneath the White House.
On making the case for going to war with Iraq, Cheney's book declared:
King Meddler was easily convinced to invade Iraq after I put on a convincing puppet show for him that detailed the fantasyland connections between 9/11 and Saddam Hussein. Of course, I was the one who got the troops in the administration singing the same tune about scary weapons Iraq never had. That goddamned Colin Powell was especially difficult to browbeat, but after I called him into the Oval Office underneath the White House he learned to sing my song really quick.

Regarding the subject of torture and Cheney's failure to convince "King Meddler" to go to war with Iran, the presidential memoir explained:
Despite what I thought was a very convincing puppet show, King Meddler did not agree with me on going to war with Iran. He kept talking about foolish things like Americans increasingly disapproving of the bloody occupation of Iraq, and said he "wasn't friends" with me anymore because my puppet shows had convinced him I was a "bad man."  By this time, King Meddler was also questioning the facts presented during my "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques Puppet Show."
In the remaining 30,0000 pages, "Leading America From Underneath The White House" lamented Cheney's decreasing influence over "King Meddler," who challenged the credibility of every puppet show following the ones on torture and Iran. Cheney argued his decreasing influence over King Meddler was responsible for George W. Bush leaving office with such high approval numbers.

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