Scott Walker Ends Candidacy to Destroy America's Economy

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This evening, Republican presidential candidate and Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker announced he was ending his candidacy to destroy America's economy by means of trickle-down economics. A somber Walker asserted he had reached his decision "due to a complete lack of interest in me nationally. Heck, even the Koch brothers aren't returning my calls anymore, and I purposely destroyed Wisconsin's economy for them."

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"Well, it looks like the American people are pretty clear on not supporting me. I guess I cannot blame them. Everyone knows trickle-down economics was a fraud the moment it was first conceived," declared Walker, as his eyes filled with tears. Walker pulled himself together and continued, "I am so ashamed I let David and Charles Koch down. They are totally going to take my allowance away now."

Koch brothers' shill Scott Walker speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland on 2.26.2015

(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Walker added, "Newsflash: I know tax breaks for the wealthy and corporate socialism only keep the money at the top and are bad for the economy. The super rich don't reinvest it, they horde it and hide it outside of the country, which screws everyone else in the economy. I also know there is a serious wealth inequality problem in America, but the Koch brothers just kept giving me so much money."

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"Looks like I will just have to make the best of the time I have left in Wisconsin. My trickle-down economic policies will enshrine feudalism into the law there soon. Walker's coming back Wisconsin!" promised Walker, who gave two energetic thumbs-up.

Wisconsin residents have erected barriers - many of them human barriers made of Wisconsin citizens - at every point of entry into the state to keep Scott Walker from returning.