9.19.2015

Brave Analysts Laboring to Find Any Facts from Last Republican Debate

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, over two thousand analysts from the conservationist organization Help Save Republican Facts announced it still had not found a single fact voiced by any Republican presidential candidate during Wednesday's debate hosted by CNN. Help Save Republican Facts also declared 77% of its researchers were suffering from acute anxiety attacks after watching the entire second Republican debate numerous times in search of facts.


"At first we thought facts were just an extremely endangered species among the Republican presidential candidates, and we were optimistic about finding as many as three or even four facts," explained Dick Schneider, Senior TNA Researcher and President of Help Save Republican Facts.

Researchers believe facts are extinct within the Republican Party.

Schneider continued, "Help Save Republican Facts no longer believes facts voiced by the Republican presidential candidates, or indeed any Republican, are endangered. We now believe Republican facts are extinct and have been for a very long time, but we are still looking to make sure of it."


"Zero facts have been found in anything the Republican presidential candidates stated about Planned Parenthood, Iran, gay marriage, and everything else. Our analysts paid dearly for this discovery, and most are suffering from acute anxiety attacks now," explained Schneider.

Help Save Republican Facts declared it was not sure whether it would shutdown its operation or continue the exhausting and unhealthy practice of pointing out everything stated by a Republican presidential candidate - or any other Republican - was not a fact.

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