8.18.2015

Sanders Unamused Two Parties, Media That Make Independent Run Futile Criticizing Him For Running As A Democrat

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) slammed the Democratic Party, Republican Party, and corporate media for criticizing his decision to run as a Democrat when they were "absolutely responsible" for making any independent candidacy impossible. Sanders also mocked the two-party political system in the United States for being "a complete joke."

"The Democrats, Republicans, and corporate media have all put up barriers for candidates outside of the two-party system so they can continue to offer Americans the choice between a punch to the gut and a kick in the backside. Well, you have to be out of your mind to think the views of all Americans can be represented by two parties," stated Sanders to a boisterous crowd.

Bernie Sanders speaking at an event in Phoenix, Arizona. 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Sanders added, "These guys have made a ton of laws to keep candidates like me off of the presidential ballot and debate stage. So to have any realistic chance of winning this election I chose the least crazy and objectionable political party."

Fox News and the Republican Party released a joint statement claiming Sanders was "un-American, cares way too much about income inequality and the disgusting poor, and should quit right now, please."

Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Shultz was unavailable for comment as she continued to contemplate the difference between a Democrat and a socialist.

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