8.20.2015

GOP Says “Extinction of Humanity” Only Climate Change Evidence It Will Accept

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) updated its platform to make it clear Republicans would never stop denying climate change until "credible evidence" was presented. The platform also clearly declared "the extinction of humanity" as being the only evidence Republicans would find to be genuine.


"The Republican Party doesn't have time to deal with this climate change nonsense. We're far too busy gerrymandering states, keeping all kinds of minority groups from voting, and encouraging hatred and fear between different groups of Americans," stated RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

Priebus at the Western Republican Leadership Conference in October 2011.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Priebus added, "If humanity goes extinct, all the scientists can run their victory lap while the Republican Party gets serious about this issue and leads America in combating climate change."


A dead silent press pool had absolutely no questions for Priebus.

"Well, then I think we're done here," announced Priebus.

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