8.19.2015

Putin Discovers Atlantis Off Coast of Crimea During Routine Visit to Anger Ukraine

SEVASTOPOL, CRIMEA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Russian Television (RT) announced President Vladimir Putin had discovered the ancient lost city of Atlantis only 60 kilometers away from the Black Sea port city of Sevastopol. Putin was engaged in a routine provocative visit to the disputed territory of Crimea when he decided to use his master explorer skills to find Atlantis.

"It was turning into yet another boring visit to Crimea to spit in the face of Ukraine when I decided it was time the world finally discovered the location of the lost city of Atlantis. So I hopped into a submersible and after very little effort proved to the world I am the world's greatest archaeologist," said Putin, who held what he called "The Trident of Atlantis."

The alleged "Trident of Atlantis." Apparently given to Putin
as a symbol of submission by the ancient lost city of Atlantis.

Putin added, "It's settled now. Atlantis is in the Black Sea. It just had a referendum, and 100% of its inhabitants want the city to become a part of the Soviet Unio... I mean Russian Federation, which has accepted it. They gave me the "Trident to the City."

Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko condemned Putin's presence in Crimea and commented, "Atlantis? Seriously?"

The Kremlin announced the Trident of Atlantis would be used as a fork by Putin at all state dinners.

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