8.15.2015

New Carly Fiorina 2016 Slogan: "Corporate Profits First, Actual People Dead Last"

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and fired Hewlett-Packard (HP) CEO Carly Fiorina unveiled her campaign's new slogan today. "Corporate Profits First, Actual People Dead Last" beat Carly Fiorina's preferred "There Is No Job That Is America's God-Given Right Anymore," which she actually stated in January 2004. The two slogans went head-to-dead to honor Fiorina's record at HP where she laid-off 30K workers, shipped thousands of jobs overseas to India and China, and stood against any government protection of American workers from foreign competition.


"My closest aides convinced me the shorter slogan was best, even though I preferred the one I actually said about a year before I was fired by HP for decreased profits and basically running things into the ground. I firmly believe that if we cannot compete with China and India in the technology sector then the United States should not try to protect American jobs over increased corporate profit," stated a smiling Fiorina.

Carly Fiorina speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland in February 2015. 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Fiorina added, "So I am in favor of shipping middle class jobs overseas where they will be turned into very low paying positions. Corporations making tons of money is more important than the American worker. Period."

The GOP presidential candidate - *who has erroneously been given the title "The First Woman To Lead A Fortune 500 Company - said she was not fired for "decreased HP profits," but for making "too much profit and wanting to get rid of more employees."

"American labor better shape up or get used to lower wages or die on the side of the street, because I will not protect them even though it would be within my power to do so as president," said Fiorina, whose firing from HP in February 2005 made the company's stock price rise approximately 7% that day.

* Title belongs to Washington Post Company’s Katharine Graham

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