8.26.2015

Mitt Romney Awaiting GOP "Distress Message" Regarding "Idiot Jeb" & "Trump Virus"

HOLLADAY, UTAH (The Nil Admirari) - Today, former Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney announced he was waiting for a "distress message" from the Republican Party, which he expected to beg him to enter the race to be its presidential nominee "soon." Romney confessed he had been watching the Republican race "with joy," and was seriously reconsidering his decision not to run in 2016.

"Ann and I have been keeping a close watch on the Republican presidential race, and we are increasingly coming to believe it is God's way of telling us I should run for president again," stated Romney, who stood in front of his Holladay, Utah home during the press conference.

Mitt Romney at a rally in Paradise Valley, AZ on 12.6.11.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Romney added, "It seems clear that idiot Jeb Bush is somehow dumber than his brother and just can't button up his mouth about immigration, women's healthcare, and whatnot. The GOP has also clearly lost containment of the Donald Trump virus, too."

When asked if he was worried about past statements he had made like "corporations are people" and 47% of Americans being guaranteed Obama voters because they were takers "dependent upon government," Romney replied, "Nope."

Dominate Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump called Romney "a loser" and dared him to enter the race so the nation could hear "the Donald's beliefs on Romney's religion of Mormonism."

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