8.11.2015

Michele Bachmann Finds "Rockets for Trip to Heaven" in Husband's Dresser

STILLWATER, MINNESOTA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN-6) announced she had discovered dozens of phallic shaped objects in the bottom drawer of her husband Marcus's dresser. Bachmann explained her husband told her the objects were rockets to take them to Heaven once President Obama fulfilled his role to take the world into the End Times and bring about the Second Coming of Christ.

"I was just doing some cleaning around the house when a rubber smell coming from the bottom drawer of my husband's bedroom dresser caught my attention. When I opened it I found almost forty phallic shaped objects," explained former Congresswoman Bachmann.

Marcus Bachmann with his wife former Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.
(PHOTO: "Marcus Bachmann Michele 2Phankbone" by David Shankbone)

Bachmann added, "When I talked to Marcus about them he told me they were rockets for a trip to Heaven, and that there were so many of them because they needed to take both of us and our 28 children to see God when Obama started World War III with Iran."

Marcus Bachmann - who was recently refused service at an Indianapolis dress boutique because the owner thought he was gay, and who runs a Christian counseling clinic in the Twin Cities that claims to turn gay people straight - declined our request for comment.

Michelle Bachmann said she was "happy to have such a great husband," and she hoped "Obama's reckless diplomacy with Iran" brought about the End Times "soon."

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