8.15.2015

Jeb Vows to Reinstate Iraq War, Torture, Lies, All Other Mistakes Brother Made and More

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced his presidency would be a continuation of his brother George W. Bush's presidency in that he would send ground troops back to Iraq, reinstate torture in violation of American and international law, and make every other mistake made by his brother and more. Jeb promised Americans to ignore all of "the allegedly negative consequences" of his brother's presidency, and vowed to return America to "the golden age" of George W. Bush.


"As president, I will pretend Obama was never president. We are going back to Iraq so we can have a staging ground for a war with Iran, and torture will absolutely be coming back because I have no idea why we stopped doing it in the first place. Say good bye to Social Security and Obamacare, too," stated Jeb Bush, who smiled uncomfortably.

Jeb Bush speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland in February 2015. 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Bush continued, "Bringing down Saddam Hussein was an awesome idea for my defense contractor friends who wanted to be even more rich. Well, they want more money, so poor and middle class kids should get ready for the wars I will be starting."

Alex Jones - a far-right conspiracy buff - had Rep. Walter Jones (R-NC-3) on his show "InfoWars" earlier in the week and both mentally unhinged individuals condemned Jeb Bush's statements and "precarious mental state."

"Get ready America. We're going back to Iraq, because Obama and Hillary ruined everything by honoring an agreement signed by my brother in 2008 and withdrawing our forces. I don't care how much I have to lie get it done," promised Jeb.

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