8.06.2015

Fox News Trying to Prop Up Republican Candidate Carly Fiorina as "The Antihillary"

CLEVELAND, OHIO (The Nil Admirari) - After deciding what Republican presidential candidates were fit for its prime time debate tonight, Fox News declared Carly Fiorina the winner of the 5pm "losers debate" between the seven candidates deemed unworthy by the network. Fox News host Megyn Kelly declared Carly Fiorina the winner of the earlier debate, and stated Fiorina was "the Antihillary and just as qualified to be president, because she is also a woman."

"You guys are so lucky Carly Fiorina was in the five o'clock debate of shame. She would have shown you a thing or two," stated Megyn Kelly, who was one of the prime time debate's hosts. "How do any of you intend to beat Hillary Clinton, who we have already decided will be the Democratic presidential nominee, if you do not have a vagina?"

Carly Fiorina speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland on 2.27.2015.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Trump struck first and replied, "What a stupid question. Carly Fiorina sunk Hewlett-Packard, and couldn't balance a checkbook. And why the hell are you even asking men questions, Megyn? Don't you have something to cook or clean or something?"

The crowd cheered Trump's sentiments as Ohio Governor John Kasich stated something about a "false parallel," but was drowned out by the applause of misogynists - some of them other candidates.

Fox News released the results of a new poll before the prime time debate was finished that showed Carly Fiorina in first place among Republican presidential candidates, because "her existence proves Republicans are not at war with women."

Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter both stated they were encouraged by the reasoning of Fox News, and may announce their intention to run for president soon.

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