8.03.2015

Fox News Says Trump and Christie to Stand Next to Each Other During Thursday's Debate

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie will stand next to each other during Thursday's debate hosted by the network. The announcement met with condemnation from the eight other participating Republican candidates, as it broke the debate rule stating candidates would be positioned based on their national poll numbers.

"Trump is polling around 20% nationally, and Christie is polling around 3%.  Fox News hopes having two loose canons front and center will escalate from predictable verbal insults to a probable physical altercation between Christie and Trump. I hope they kill each other," said Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush, speaking on behalf of himself and the other participants.

Fox "News" is holding the first debate of Republican presidential candidates on August 6th.
The network has decided only to allow the top ten candidates in national polling.

A laughing Trump struck back at Bush and stated, "Jeb is such a whiny baby. That is why I told Fox News I don't care if he is polling third nationally at around 12%, because I am polling at 20% and don't want him anywhere near me at the center of the stage. So they suggested putting that fat joke Chris Christie next to me, who has just destroyed New Jersey's economy."

"Oh, I know what Trump has been saying about me. I also heard he demanded he be able to bring a bottle of pepper spray just in case I 'violated his personal space' on Thursday. Fox News told me they are letting him bring that and a walking cane with a bronze handle of his face due to a 'golfing accident.' I told them I didn't need to bring anything," said Christie.

TNA accidently asked Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Bobby "Piyush" Jindal, Lindsey Graham, and Carly Fiorina for comment, forgetting they were not participating in the debate due to nationwide disinterest in them as of the publishing of this story.

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