8.10.2015

Fox News Losing Control of Hateful, Paranoid People It Created, Who Created Trump

LOSING CONTROL

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Fox News President Roger Ailes announced today his fantasy-peddling organization was "at DEFCON 3 and likely losing control" of the misinformed, hateful, and paranoid people it has created over its nearly 19 years of terror. Ailes stated Fox News feared it may have reached a saturation point where its almost exclusively Republican audience could no longer absorb any further distortions of facts or outright lies, which is exactly what Fox News has been feeding them while also telling them they are the informed people.

"We may have went just a tad too far to the right during the Obama years, because we have definitely created a monster we cannot control in the form of the new, even more enraged and paranoid Republican base. And that monster has created its own super monster in the form of billionaire Donald Trump, which we are trying like hell to take out," stated Ailes, who was sweating profusely.
Ailes added, "Megyn Kelly was under orders to take Trump down during Thursday night's debate, but it totally didn't work. I should have known better since she's a woman and Trump doesn't like the uppity ones, but there was no way I could have known Trump is the only man on the planet who seems immune to my 'Orchestra Pit Theory.'"


"Orchestra Pit Theory" By:  Roger Ailes
AKA 
How He Gives The Media The Sensationalized Political Stories They Want

"If you have two guys on a stage and one guy says, 'I have a solution to the Middle East problem,' 

and the other guy falls in the orchestra pit, who do you think is going to be on the evening news?"


"Trump keeps falling into the orchestra pit and nothing seems to be able to destroy him. Fox News may lose containment of these ignorant, hate-driven, and paranoid people we are responsible for creating with our alternate reality in as little as two or three weeks," said Ailes. He continued, "Our Trump stunt has already begun to show cracks of disloyalty in our usual viewers.

Ailes did not deny that over 37,000 Republican supporters of Trump signed a Change.org petition demanding Megyn Kelly not be a host of any future Republican debates on Fox News. Nor did he deny Republican leadership in Washington had been telling him it could no longer govern, because of Fox News losing control of its increasingly delusional viewers. And it was not only viewers, but other media outlets like Breitbart, a conservative "news" and opinion website, which also took aim at Fox News and claimed it tried to take Trump out for the Republican establishment.

"Most of the 'Republican establishment' is just as cuckoo bananas because of Fox News. Anyway, my assistant, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, visited me after Thursday's debate and told me to get our viewers under control again. We don't know how to do that, though. Riling them up is kind of our thing. We're a one trick pony," confessed Ailes.

The body of the most powerful man in the GOP shook, as he stated. "If Trump becomes the Republican nominee or runs as an independent candidate we project at least a 68% chance of losing containment of Fox News viewers, which will be a national disaster of proportions I cannot even dream of."

When asked if he had any further comments Ailes stated, "I think we are finally going to get exactly what we deserve for what Fox News has done to this country."

Ailes refused to tell TNA what happens when Fox News goes to "DEFCON 1."

Way far-right website WorldNetDaily has reported a disconcerting 50% surge in its viewership.

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