8.07.2015

Fox News' Attempt to Embarrass, Humble, and Knockout Trump Fails Somehow

CLEVELAND, OHIO (The Nil Admirari) - Last night, Fox News attempted to embarrass, humble, and knockout billionaire and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump during the prime time debate hosted by the network. For some inexplicable reason - and despite hundreds of interviews with Trump - Fox News forgot that engaging Trump was the trigger for the candidate's famous and often contradictory word salad, loud "truth telling," and general bombasity the Republican base loves.

"The debate last night was a disaster for Trump. He is done, gone, and extinct from the Republican presidential race. Republicans everywhere now know Donald Trump is finished and will abandon him, because of the superior journalism of Fox News," stated Fox News contributor and general grump Charles Krauthammer.

Donald Trump speaking at the 2015 CPAC in Maryland on 2.27.2015. 
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Trump had a different take on the debate and said, "I think it goes without saying I won the debate. That is what everyone I speak to tells me. Megyn Kelly and Fox News really helped me out putting me on the defensive and attempting to knock me out of the race by interrogating the Donald. I am stronger now."

"Right off the bat those bastards at Fox News were gunning for me. The first question was whether anyone on stage would refuse to pledge not to run as a third party candidate. Everyone already knew I said that if I lost I may do exactly that," explained Trump, who spoke of one of the few times he was booed.

Trump added, "After that bullshit, everyone loved what I had to say about Mexican killers and rapists, and walls on the border, and Rosie O'Donnell being a fat pig, dog, slob, and disgusting animal."

The latest Republicans presidential polls showed Trump surging ahead of his competition, and he claimed "I couldn't have done it without Fox News, which sucks at running the Republican Party."

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