8.01.2015

Civically-Challenged Americans Excited About Defunding Planned Parenthood on Monday

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, civically-challenged Americans across the country announced they were looking forward to Planned Parenthood being defunded after highly edited and deceptive videos were released making it appear the organization was profiting from the sale of aborted fetuses. Not only has this group of conservative and anti-choice Americans ignored the fact fetal tissue is used for critical medical research to combat diseases like ALS, but it also believed a Senate vote expected as early as Monday would defund Planned Parenthood all on its own and forever.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who voted in 1993 to legalize fetal tissue donations after abortions, tried to downplay expectations and said, "I am appalled by the Planned Parenthood videos coming out, but the House of Representatives isn't coming back from vacation until September, and we may not even have the votes to pass a defunding bill in the Senate."

 "Political System of the United States" by 111Alleskönner - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 de via Wikimedia Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Political_System_of_the_United_States.svg#/media/File:Political_System_of_the_United_States.svg
How stuff works (or doesn't) in our American government. (PHOTO SOURCE)

McConnell confused the civically-inept even more when he added, "And Obama's veto is definitely going to come into play if Congress passes any legislation defunding Planned Parenthood. Because guess what? Republicans control Congress, but we don't have the votes to override a veto in the event our bicameral legislature can even pass a defunding bill."

Upon hearing McConnell's excuses, Americans who were looking forward to defunding Planned Parenthood asked, "Who is Mitch McConnell and do we need him?" and, "Who is 'veto' and what is the nature of Obama's relationship with him?" and, "How long have they had camels in Congress?"

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) struck back at McConnell's pessimism and said, "I intend to vote to defund Planned Parenthood and finally be done with this horrible organization. It's time for that bourbon booze-hound turtle to come out of his shell and grow a pair for America."

Civically-illiterate conservative and anti-choice Americans strongly agreed with Cruz, and also demanded a law banning camels from Congress for being "too Muslim."

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