8.25.2015

China Announces "Indefinite Stock Market Vacation," Wall Street Pushes Inflated Stocks

BEIJING, CHINA & NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, China announced its stock market would be going on a vacation and the Ministry of Finance would be releasing "highly accurate" stock numbers. Wall Street praised the announcement and continued to encourage Americans to purchase highly inflated stocks before everyone ran out of tricks to hide the symptoms of another looming global economic crisis.

"An indefinite stock market vacation is needed in China, because things are going so well we need time to count all the money we are making. Until further notice, the Ministry of Finance will be releasing stock numbers," announced Chinese President Xi Jinping.

Chinese President Xi Jinping. (Above)

CNBC host Jim Cramer lauded the move and stated, "This is nothing but good news for investors. It shows the Chinese government is so confident in its crashing economy it wants to personally announce how well things are going. Wall Street is loving it."

"The value of American stocks is completely genuine. They are not at all inflated due to poor regulation of financial institutions and wealth concentrated at the top. The time to buy is now," said Cramer.

President Obama and most of the leaders of European Union member states called China's new economic measures "a bold blueprint worthy of using in the near future."

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