7.07.2015

Ted Cruz Says Jesus Christ Should Be Official US Animal

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) announced today he wanted Jesus Christ to be the official animal of the United States instead of the bald eagle. His position quickly split the Republican Party into two camps, and the topic has already started to overshadow other issues on the campaign trail like the economy, social policy, and foreign policy.

“We can sort out that whole Iraq thing and that gay marriage thing down the road. It’s more important that I profess my belief Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, should be the official animal of the United States,” stated Cruz to a crowd in a high school gymnasium.

An American Bald Eagle (Top Left) and Jesus Christ (Top Right).

A group of about a dozen bald eagle supporters booed Cruz, and Jesus Christ supporters threw readily available bald eagle eggs at them.

Cruz ignored the ruckus and added, “If you want a stupid bird as the official animal of America I am not your candidate, and you hate Christians.”

All other Republican presidential candidates have chosen one of the two sides in the debate except former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush, who supported Donald Trump being the national animal.


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