7.22.2015

Rick Perry to Ditch Glasses, Go with Monocle and Smoking Pipe

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Texas Rick Perry announced he will be swapping his reading glasses for a monocle and a smoking pipe. The move was characterized by political observers as Perry conceding the reading glasses had failed to make him appear more intelligent to Americans.

"Well, I tried the reading glasses thing and I haven't fooled anyone. People still look at me and see the stupid Texan who can't remember more than two things at the same time,"stated Perry, who was wearing his soon to be retired reading glasses.

Rick Perry (top left) and the image he wants to portray (top right).

Perry added, "I even tried to distract Americans from my stupidity by condemning Donald Trump's stupidity, but it hasn't helped. And I lose even more ground when I insinuate openly gay scout leaders are all pedophiles."

An unidentified member of the press asked Perry if his decision was related to Trump calling him and his reading glasses out the day before, but the governor abruptly ended the press conference at that time.

A senior campaign aide to Perry told TNA he is also considering wearing a white lab coat to appear less intellectually stunted.

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