7.30.2015

Marco Rubio Says "Cecil the Lion Should Have Just Gone to Planned Parenthood to Die"

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) escalated the shameless stupidity being voiced by delusional Republicans who think they are qualified to be president. Rubio, who claimed he was "anti-choice," stated that Cecil -  a widely known Zimbabwe lion killed and decapitated by an impotent Minnesota dentist named Dr. Walter J. Palmer - "should have just gone to Planned Parenthood to die."

"That lion Cecil should have just come to America and visited Planned Parenthood to die. It probably would have been way worse than what big game hunter Dr. Palmer did to him in Zimbabwe, wherever that is," stated Rubio, who took three or four large gulps from a bottle containing either water, sambuca, or vodka.

"Look at all this outrage over a dead lion, but where is all the outrage over the
planned parenthood dead babies," whined Rubio in a tweet from yesterday.

Rubio added, "I don't get all this outrage over a stupid lion. I am still appalled by the blatantly misleading and edited videos allegedly showing Planned Parenthood trying to profit from the sale of fetal tissue and organs. So next week I will vote to cut off funding for Planned Parenthood while you cry over a dumb animal."

"Senator Rubio, a true Republican who loves personal freedom and responsibility, is right. The world should focus on the Planned Parenthood hoax rather than how I brutally killed Cecil," announced the official "Most Hated Impotent White Man in the World" Dr. Palmer from an undisclosed location.

Rubio promised his commitment to personal freedom and responsibility would be clear after he voted to cut funding for an organization that aimed to give women control over their own bodies and avoid unwanted pregnancies, and thus abortions.

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