7.09.2015

Jeb Says Americans Must Work More, God Against Retirement

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced today Americans needed to work more hours, and God was against retirement because it isn't in the Bible. The candidate's positions have been characterized as Bush's framework for further enriching the rich on the backs of workers, and destroying Social Security.

"I want 4% growth in America's GDP every year I am president, and I will work Americans like dogs to achieve my goal. I reject the numbers that say Americans are already productive and the problem is the rich who take virtually all the profits," stated Bush at a dementia wing of a nursing home.

Jeb Bush speaking at the 2015 Conservative Political Action
Conference (CPAC) in February 2015. (Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Bush added, "I also brought along this Bible with me today, and retirement is nowhere in it because God wants us to work until we die. So don't get too attached to that Social Security thing."

The former governor ignored questions about his future plans for the sick and the poor, except to say, "I'll get to them soon enough, and you can bet on that."

Not to be outdone, Senators Marco Rubio (R-FL) and Rand Paul (R-KY) introduced new legislation to end Social Security immediately.

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