7.14.2015

ISIS Seeks to Be More Deadly to Americans than Armed Americans

IRAQ & SYRIA (The Nil Admirari) - The Islamic State announced today its long-term goal was to be more deadly to Americans than armed Americans. The terrorist group released its statement after getting its hands on statistics showing tens of thousands more Americans have been killed by other Americans with guns than by all Islamic terrorist attacks and all wars combined since September 10th, 2001.

The National Rifle Association (NRA) responded before any United States government official, and held a press conference within minutes of ISIS declaring it desired to become a larger purveyor of violence in America than Americans with guns.

NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre at a political conference in Orlando, Florida.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

"The only thing that stops an armed Islamic terrorist is an armed American terrorist, and the NRA is a critical component of America's anti-Islamic terrorism efforts," stated NRA Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre.

LaPierre added, "By making sure armed Americans monopolize terrorism in the United States we are protecting all Americans from the extremist Muslims who hate America so much. We must keep our terrorists homegrown."

A senior confidential source within the Islamic State confessed the organization was studying the NRA very closely, and intended to breakup its monopoly on defending senseless violence in America.


DISCLAIMER NOTICE:

The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.