7.16.2015

Huckabee Unveils Morally Superior "Boys Will Be Boys" Platform

IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee unveiled his "Boys Will Be Boys" platform today. Huckabee's platform touts his moral superiority and excuses murder, rape, and a whole host of other crimes if a male offender claims to be a Christian, but brings down the full force of the law for women, religious minorities, and members of the LGBT community.

"If you are a male and a Christian who is sorry, I will forgive you. But if you are a woman, a member of the LGBT community, an atheist, or follow a religion other than Christianity you will receive what is coming to you. It's what Jesus would want me to do," stated Huckabee.

Huckabee at 2014 CPAC in Maryland. (PHOTO: Gage Skidmore)

Huckabee added, "I forgave my good Christian brother Josh Duggar for raping a bunch of girls, because he looked so sad. As Governor of Arkansas, I gave clemency to violent criminal Maurice Clemmons, because he came from a good Christian family."

"Yes. I know Clemmons killed four Seattle-area police officers less than a decade afterward, which would have been avoided if I hadn't reduced his prison sentence by over fifty years," said Huckabee before the press asked.

"Now let's get back to how evil homosexuals, women, and non- Christians are, and how they trivialize morality," suggested Huckabee.

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