GOP to Boost Infrastructure Budget, Except On Things Obama Uses

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Congressional Republicans announced this morning they intended to increase infrastructure funding and would more than quadruple the current expenditure by the end of the month. Republicans stated the only things to be exempt from the new funding will be any infrastructure Obama uses regularly, may use in the future, or may benefit from in any way.

"Our nation's infrastructure is in dire need of being repaired or updated so Americans who are not President Obama can travel safely around the country, and the United States can compete in the global economy," said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY).

On 8.1.2007 the I-35W bridge in Minneapolis collapsed, killing 13. Republicans have 

promised to avoid similar disasters as long as President Obama benefits in absolutely no way. 

(Photo: Kevin Rofidal, United States Coast Guard)

McConnell added, "As long as it isn't anything Obama uses regularly or may use in the future, including after his presidency is over, it will be eligible to be fixed or updated."

"Republicans are ready to act on America's aging infrastructure as long as Obama benefits in no way from our efforts," stated Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH).

The White House announced President Obama would send Congress a list of places he never intended to visit for the rest of his life.