"We have done our best to address the concerns of conservatives, prove we are patriotic, and also maintain the high level of academic standards any student accepted into Advanced Placement History would expect. So students will now be taught America is very special, and was destined to rule the continent and world," stated College Board President and CEO David Coleman.
Coleman continued, "Slavery will now be called 'the voluntary three-fifths of a person labor movement,' and lessons on the Civil War will drop all references to slavery and assert the war started over a disagreement regarding the height of Abraham Lincoln's hat and 'each state's right to pass laws limiting hat height, even if someone is president.'"
"Also, the Ku Klux Klan will be referred to as 'freedom fighters,' Japanese internment camps during World War II will be referred to as 'prisoner of war camps' that housed all captured Japanese forces in America, and Jesus of Nazareth will be named a Founding Father," explained Coleman, as if he were reading his own death sentence.
Krieger, the RNC, and Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson released a join statement in which all agreed the changes made by the College Board "were an excellent start," but lamented "more changes are needed to better reflect the America in our minds."