Christie to Be Louder, Meaner, More Obnoxious for Press Attention

TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie informed the nation he was going to be louder, meaner, and far more obnoxious. Christie blamed Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump for "raising the bully bar," and taking media attention away from his bullying on the campaign trail.

"I was in New Hampshire last week where I told an old woman who was about to lose her home that she was a leech, and she needed to get a job or die in the streets. I even shouted her down, but the media didn't cover it because of Trump," stated Christie.

Governor Chris Christie speaking at the 2014 CPAC in Maryland. (Above)
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

Governor Christie added, "This old woman had been a school teacher for over thirty years, was fighting breast cancer, and her husband died last year. Did I care about her problems? Of course not. I was in full 'bully mode.'"

Christie shouted down a member of the press for trying to ask a question, and spit into the press pool before glaring at the three reporters who actually showed up for his early morning press conference.

"If Trump wants a bully competition, I'll give him one. He said McCain wasn't a hero because he was captured in the Vietnam War? I say McCain was coward and a Viet Cong spy," said Christie.