7.30.2015

Chris Christie Tells Fox News He Is "Not Mad, Just Stop Citing Stupid Poll Numbers"

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie told Fox and Friends that he was "not mad, just stop citing stupid poll numbers." Christie has consistently been polling lower than the margin of error in most national polls of likely Republican primary voters, and will not be eligible to participate in the first Republican debate being hosted by Fox News next week if that continues.

"You know, just shut up about how I am probably not going to be in the debate your stupid network is hosting next week. All of these polls are just stupid numbers, and keeping me out of the national debate just because I have no national support is bullshit," stated Christie, whose voice grew louder as he spoke about not being one of the ten candidates allowed on stage.

Governor Chris Christie speaking at the 2014 CPAC in Maryland. (Above)
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

At one point, host Brian Kilmeade stated, "I hate to use the word poll, after the way we started," before informing Christie a recent poll reported 63% of millennial Republicans were in support of legalizing marijuana and wondered what the governor thought about that."

"You know, just stop. Just stop, Brian. I am not mad, just stop citing stupid poll numbers. And I don't care what that poll says, because federal law says it is illegal and I will enforce it. Still not the gun laws, though. These polls don't matter," screamed a red-faced Christie.

"That's right, Governor Christie. Most of the polls we've mentioned only decide whether you are in the Fox News debate next week. And right now you aren't," replied host Andrea Kooiman.

Chritie's video and audio feed was abruptly cut off when something that looked like the governor's fist punched the camera.

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