Walker Falls Off Pie Eating Contest Platform, Blames Teamsters

BESSIE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin fell off the platform at the annual Bessie Blueberry Pie Eating Contest. Walker blamed the Teamsters responsible for building the platform after losing his footing and falling forward into the crowd below.

"This just goes to show you why I am so anti-union. The Teamsters constructed a faulty platform that poverty wage 'right-to-work' guys would have built properly," stated Walker, as he tried to laugh the fall off and bravely mounted the stage again.

The International Brotherhood of Teamsters was quick to respond through spokesman Gene Jerry.

"That bastard Walker fell from the platform because he is a union busting son of a bitch who has the Koch brothers so far up his ass he cannot walk straight unless they tell him to," explained Jerry.

Scott Walker at the 2015 Conservative Political Action Conference.
(Photo: Gage Skidmore)

"There should have been some railings or something on the front of the platform," said Walker after earning fourth place in the contest.

The Teamsters were even less amused by Walker's advice.

"If the guys who built the platform knew that bastard was going to be there I promise railings wouldn't have helped Walker. The workers would have jerry-rigged it to collapse once he was on it," stated Jerry

Koch brothers David and Charles had no comment on Walker's fourth place pie eating finish.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.