6.21.2015

Survey: 7 out of 10 Anti-Gay Christian Leaders Hiding Gay Lover

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - A national survey's findings on the sexual proclivities of America's anti-gay Christian leaders was released Sunday morning in time for many morning masses. The Boston University (BU) survey titled "Quantifying Anti-Gay Christian Leadership Duplicity" showed 7 out of every 10 respondents anonymously declared they were hiding at least one gay lover from virtually everyone else in their life.

"The results aren't all that surprising. This blatant hypocrisy comes from the notion "gays are bad" having been reinforced throughout their lives by the religious tradition most have known since they were children," explained BU sociologist Dr. Gregory Hess, who oversaw the survey.

There was almost unanimous participation in the survey of America's anti-gay Christian leaders, which Hess believed was largely due to the anonymity the survey promised.

"Being able to share their secret for once likely excited many of the participants. Most conceded it would be fun if America's Christians had to guess who among them was a raging self-loathing hypocrite," stated Hess.


Hess added, "My favorite story from the subjective portion of the survey was a first person account written by a pastor who was very close to getting caught at a Dairy Queen with his lover 'Daryl' when they nearly bumped into his wife and three children who were already there."

At the end of the press conference Dr. Hess was prodded to admit there was one thing that surprised him about the survey's conclusions.

"I didn't think the number was that low," said Hess.

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