"Listen, this job is not easy even for a white guy and I never get credit for my white half. So add that to the hyper-partisanship Republicans have embraced and you have a real nightmare that I don't think I could go through sober," stated Obama at an unusual Sunday press conference.
"If it was just me, Mitch McConnell, and John Boehner we could actually get stuff done. Mitch has a ravenous appetite for bourbon and is sauced most of the time. Boehner goes through like five of those jugs of Chablis with the picture of that old man on the label every day," explained Obama on his willingness to work with Senator McConnell (R-KY) and Speaker Boehner (R-OH).
An unidentified member of the press asked Obama where he acquired a steady supply of Portuguese moonshine and he replied, "Bo Obama and I know a guy."
The press conference ended when President Obama said he was going to "get baked," because Sundays were so low-key.