6.15.2015

Barbara Bush Announces Run for President, Attacks Son Jeb

PORTLAND, MAINE (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier this morning, former First Lady Barbara Bush shocked the political world when she announced she was running for president on the same day her son Jeb Bush was scheduled to announce his run. The ninety-year-old wife of former President George H.W. Bush and mother of former President George W. Bush said she was "far more qualified" to lead the country than anyone else.

"I have been keeping this Bush operation going for years. I have five times the balls and ten times the brains of my husband and sons," said Barbara Bush to the early risers at the Portland Senior Center.

Barbara Bush explained she loved her son Jeb, but admitted the rumor he was "the smart one" of her two most political sons had been grossly overstated. She warned Jeb would "shit the money bed" like his brother George.

 Photo by Eric Draper
Former President George H. W. Bush and First Lady Barbara Bush at the Christening
Ceremony for the George H.W. Bush (CVN 77) in Newport News, Virginia. (10.7.2006)

Bush also touted her foreign policy experience by adding, "My husband listened to me on Iraq in 1990 and 1991, my son George did not listen to me on Iraq for his whole presidency, and my son Jeb will get America stuck in that horrible country for decades if you elect him."

George H.W. Bush checked his watch and ignored the press when asked what he thought about being the nation's first "First Gentleman."

George W. Bush said he "didn't know much" about the Constitution and it would "be fun" if he also ran for president again.

Jeb Bush stated he still planned to announce his run for president this afternoon.


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