5.05.2015

Struggling McDonald's Thinks About Offering Actual Food Soon

OAK BROOK, ILLINOIS (The Nil Admirari) - McDonald's CEO Steve Easterbrook announced his company is thinking about selling actual food in the future. The announcement has been characterized by economists as an attempt by a struggling McDonald's to rebound from financial losses in America and abroad.

"McDonald's is prepared to offer actual food and move away from unprofitable conversations about what is actually in our formerly popular items like burgers, chicken nuggets, and french fries," said Easterbrook.

McDonald's CEO Steve Easterbrook, (PHOTO: The Telegraph)

The new McDonald's CEO commented on the fast food giant's competition by adding, "Our competitors are feeding you similar processed crap, but they aren't struggling financially so McDonald's needs a new game plan and that looks like it could mean offering actual meat and produce."

A member of the press asked Easterbrook if McDonald's was going to make sure the "actual" produce and meat it was thinking about offering consumers would be free of pesticides and hormones, respectively.

"God damn it," replied Easterbrook.

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