5.21.2015

Republicans Compete Over Who Wants Most U.S. Troops in Iraq

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Every declared and undeclared Republican presidential candidate has said he or she wants to send the most U.S. troops back to Iraq. All agreed Obama was not doing enough to fight the Islamic State (ISIS) because he was "a big liberal pussy."

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) recently stated he wanted to send 10,000 troops back to Iraq, and every other Republican was quick to slam him "for being such a damn coward."

Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, Carly Fiorina, and George Pataki all said they wanted to send well over 100,000 troops back to Iraq and desired to reinvade "like last week."

Where Republican presidential candidates will send U.S. troops, if elected. (Above)

Scott Walker, Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee, and Bobby Jindal all said they would send the most troops to Iraq once they "figured out where it was."

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) pledged to send "a hundred billion-zillion troops to Iraq."

All Republican presidential candidates not named above want to make sure you know they would send "way more troops" than their "limp dick opponents."

Senator McCain (R-AZ), who is not running for president, criticized everyone's numbers for being "woefully inadequate."

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