5.18.2015

Jeb Bush to Gay Customers: "Screw You"

Jeb Bush (AP)

MUNCIE, INDIANA (The Nil Admirari) - Likely Republican presidential candidate and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush made a stop at a Muncie deli today and found the opportunity to clarify one of his positions. It all happened when a presumed gay couple entered Doomy Deli and tried to order some sandwiches from the evangelical Christian owner, Marsh Doomy (transcript below).
"You gay boys have to leave, because I don't support that," said Doomy. 
The men looked at each other before the taller of the two asked, "We can't buy sandwiches because you think we are gay?" 
"Yup," replied Doomy. "I can tell." 
A silent stalemate started to develop when Jeb Bush placed his Reuben sandwich down and stood between the deli owner and the shunned customers. 
"It's real simple, boys. Mr. Doomy's hateful religious beliefs are more important than the right you two think you should have to be treated equally under the law," explained Bush. 
"That's your position on this?" asked one of the men. 
"Well, that and screw you," replied Bush while the two men who were denied service left the deli and conservative patrons all around the dining room started to applaud.
The press later learned one of the two men is gay while the other is a married father of two and an American veteran of Afghanistan - like the friend he brought with him to Doomy Deli.

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