Iran: We'll Give Up Nuclear Energy if Tom Cotton is Expelled from the Senate

TEHRAN, IRAN (The Nil Admirari) - Late this afternoon Iran offered to give up nuclear energy entirely if Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR) was expelled from the United States Senate.  The offer came a day after Cotton and Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), who is running for president, tried to force votes on amendments that threaten to sink a deal being negotiated by the Obama Administration and Iran to limit the Iranian nuclear program in exchange for eased sanctions.

Javad Zarif, Iran's foreign minister and top diplomat, held a press conference earlier today and stated, "Iran is prepared to shut down our entire nuclear program if Senator Cotton is expelled from the United States Senate. We will allow you to personally dismantle the whole thing."

Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR). (PHOTO: Getty)

Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei confirmed his support for the deal a short time afterward and said, "I think we can all agree Tom Cotton is a shameless self-promoter and hawk who wants to see war between the United States and Iran. Expel him from the senate and I will invite Americans to Iran as honored guests to shut down our nuclear program."

Senator Cotton laughed when he learned of Iran's new negotiating position. "Iran is clearly lying. Besides, there are no grounds to expel me from the senate," stated Cotton, who was unaware of Iran's reasoning for his removal.

"Cotton met with defense contractors a day after he and 46 other Republicans in the senate wrote a note to Iran telling us not to trust President Obama. He completely undermined American foreign policy and would be executed for treason in most other countries," explained Zarif.

Republicans in the senate said they were "looking into it" when asked what they thought about Iran's offer.


The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.