5.03.2015

Bolling of Fox News: Baltimore Example of Conservative Utopia

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) -  On Sunday afternoon, Fox News host Eric Bolling praised Baltimore, Maryland as "an example of a conservative utopia." Bolling ran a solo segment on how conservative policies are responsible for creating the city that has been the focus of the national media since the April death of Freddie Gray resulted in social unrest and six police officers being charged with crimes ranging from misconduct to murder.

"Only a fool would focus on the fact Baltimore has elected only one non-Democratic mayor since 1940, because decades of conservative policies at all levels of government are directly responsible for creating the shining jewel of Baltimore we see today," stated Bolling.

He shined a perfect white smile before continuing, "Severe cuts in public schooling and housing, shipping middle and working class jobs out of the country, tax cuts for the rich at the expense of programs meant to serve and lift up the middle class and poor, aggressive policing of economically devastated areas, and punitive mandatory drug sentencing are all conservative policies a liberal would never support."

Fox News host Eric Bolling. (PHOTO: Raw Story)

"I know we at Fox News always pretend Democrats are all liberals, but that is such bullshit," explained Bolling.

The conservative host took a sip of water from his shiny Fox News mug before adding, "So is our exclusive focus on race, because half of the Baltimore police officers charged in Gray's death are black. We are just trying to hide the staggering economic inequality and success of conservative policies in creating places like Baltimore all over the United States where rich and poor residents living in the same city are segregated into very different worlds."

All of the lights around Bolling started to cut out, but his microphone remained operational.

"And the rich want Americans to fight over what little wealth and opportunity there is left by having people like me stoke the flames of phony conflicts like race, sex, religion, immigration, and political party while they continue to rob you blind," said Bolling.

The volume on Bolling's microphone was lowered noticeably, but the host remained barely audible as he stated, "This is all about a utopian conservative city and the heavy-handed policing needed to control the vast majority who are kept in hopeless poverty or near poverty as the wealth gap incre..."

The Fox News broadcast was suddenly replaced by commercials featuring Pat Boone selling gold and Fred Thompson pitching reverse mortgages until Geraldo Rivera could be found to replace Bolling. Fox News has cited "technical issues" for the interruption.

Bolling has been unavailable for comment since his Sunday afternoon appearance on Fox News.

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