Buddy Clinton Case Reopened

NEW CASTLE, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the New Castle Police Department announced the investigation into the 2002 death of Buddy Clinton had been reopened. Spokesman Dale Harris cited "new evidence" in the death of the male Labrador Retriever owned by President Bill Clinton from December 1997 until the tragic events of January 2, 2002.

"We have found credible evidence that Buddy Clinton was murdered in a carefully planned hit and run," said Harris during the morning press conference called by the New Castle Police Department.

When asked if there was a prime suspect in the murder case Harris replied, "Yes there is, but I cannot release that information at this time. What I can say is most Americans know the prime suspect. "

President Bill Clinton and Buddy in front of the White House. (Mother Jones)

Harris did comment on a motive, however. "This looks like a case where Buddy Clinton was turned into a helpless pawn to send an early message to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) about an important resolution she would have to vote for in the autumn of 2002."

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton refused to comment on the reopened investigation.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney refused to comment when he was asked if the New Castle Police Department had contacted him. The Secret Service took control of the murder investigation less than an hour later.