5.15.2015

Boston Marathon Bomber to Die, Nation Forgets About Years of Appeals

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to death today by a jury in Boston. Most Americans celebrated the ruling forgetting Tsarnaev will not be executed until years of appeals have been exhausted.

"Awesome. That bastard had it coming," said legal layman and Quincy, Massachusetts resident David Goliath. He was with a group of like-minded citizens at a local bar where they first heard about the death sentence.

Goliath was soon informed by a member of the press he would be waiting a little while for Tsarnaev's death sentence to be carried out, assuming it is not thrown out during the appeal process.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. (PHOTO: AP)

"Really? What the fuck is wrong with this country? String him up already," replied Goliath.

Although disappointed by the delay in Tsarnaev's execution, many Americans we spoke to took solace in the news Tsarnaev is almost certain to lose his legal appeals and then be executed.

DISCLAIMER NOTICE:

The Nil Admirari is "America's Most Swell News Source" of the spurious variety.